D-Day

• Alarm set for 6:00 a.m.
• Awoke 5:15 a.m.
• Shower
• Briefly researched blogs as to whether or not to have something in stomach before infusion
• Decision: eat an egg, a few potatoes and half of a sausage
• Ride arrives at 6:50 a.m.
• Mild traffic on freeways
• GPS lands us there 10 minutes early
• Most difficult part of day: finding the actual room for treatment
• Nice staff…thank goodness
• Weigh in
• Blood work… I never watch
• Take Tylenol for possible headache and Benadryl for possible reaction (no reactions occurred)
• Sign waivers
• Hook up Remicade drip
• Sit for 2 hours in chair watching Morning TV Show and dozing
• Pleasant ride home with chauffeur/good friend
• Eat small bowl of soup (brought by loving neighbors)
• Take three hour nap
• Wake up as if nothing ever happened

Things to differently next time:
• Not worry so much the night before
• Drink plenty of fluids so my veins will “pop” easier
• Not stress about getting to infusion location
• Relax while I am there and either read or knit a little
• Count my blessings evidenced by the number of friends who lovingly care for me by notes/messages and acts of kindness when I am down and out
• Realize that although I have put off this course of action for about two years, trust that this is the right decision now
• Remember to continually call on Jehovah Rapha… the One who heals

In late August I began pursuing alternative medical treatments to avoid taking a drug called Remicade. My Gastro doc felt this drug was my last hope apart from major surgery. Colon surgery, by the way consists of a two-part process. First they cut out most of the bad colon, bring part of the good colon (if there is any) to the outside, let you heal for several months and then they go back in and “fashion” a new colon with the what’s left. The good news is you don’t have to take all the intense meds for colitis anymore and your risk of colon cancer is greatly diminished but the bad news is you have a lifetime of less than normal bathroom habits. I’m trying to write this as delicately as possible, really I am!

So my step prior to that drastic measure mentioned above involves taking the infusion drug, Remicade. I will go to a clinic designed for infusion delivery and sit for about 2 hours while this drug surges thru my body. I will be left with a weakened immune system, an increased risk for Lymphoma, Heart Failure, Lupus-like syndrome and an assorted other unpleasant maladies. While I know that all drugs come with risks and side effects, this one scares me. And yet, despite the fear, I am ready for them to hook me up. I feel that bad!

Yesterday I had a colonoscopy. I don’t even know how many I have had. I go way, way beyond the “routine exam of people over 50.” This time around my inflammation was so bad the Dr. chose not to view the entire colon. I hope and pray nothing cancerous was lurking in a crevice he did not explore. After it was over he reminded me he wanted me to take Remicade over a year ago. I wasn’t ready then and I am not completely sure I am ready now.

My Alternative Medicine Dr. says I have to be at peace with my decisions. I need to bless the drug so that it can do its job. Four months ago I would have offered my veins kicking and screaming. She says I would foil the benefits of the drug with that attitude. I wonder what else I foil with the wrong attitude?

So today, the day after my colonoscopy, I showed up at the Dr.’s office for more poking. Blood tests and a TB test. Thursday brings a chest x-ray and bone density scan before I get the green light for Remicade.

I know there are worse diseases out there. God love all the people suffering from heinous forms of cancer and other serious illnesses. I try not to whine, does this sound whiney? If so, I apologize.

I show up places with a mustered smile and people ask, “Are you feeling better?”

Not yet ... but I have hope. Hope is good.

Still pursuing healing,
Caroline

p.s. Happy Valentine's day. Life goes on doesn't it?!

Labels: blood tests, Colonoscopy, Remicade