Who am I?
Monday, March 19, 2012
Who Do I Want to Be?
This year I turn double nickels. You would think by now I would have a pretty good sense of who I want to be when I grow up. Not so. I feel as though someone put me in the washer on the spin cycle and walked away for several hours. As Elvis would say, “I’m all shook up!”
At different stages in life, different things tend to define you. High School shenanigans … and there were plenty of them! College explorations. Young married adventures. Parenthood. And now, a bit of an empty nest. But what the heck does that look like?
What do I do all day in my partially vacant roost?
I read, knit, go to Dr.’s appointments, spend a lot of time in the ladies room, occasionally meet with friends for food or coffee, cook a little, clean a little, and ponder a lot.
But changes are coming if I can get some healing under my belt. To add to the above list, I want some action verbs included in my day. Recently I checked out a local health facility where many of my friends go. I’m kind of sneaking up on the idea of becoming a very active member there.
That’s how I do the hard stuff in my life. I walk all around the idea for quite a while, viewing all the angles, circling it several times and trying it on mentally before I sign on the dotted line.
This time around it’s the exercise piece at the health-plex. Last time it was going on Remicade, which is yesterday’s news. (Third infusion is coming up first week in April and so far, so good. Not too much improvement yet, but…)
So now I have ordered a new swimsuit and flip-flops. Bought goggles and some conditioner to take in my swim bag (shampoo and body wash are provided). Practiced my route to the facility. Planning my trial day guest pass. I can feel the water rushing over me already.
Did I mention I plan on swimming? I love pools. I am totally obsessed with them. We have planned some entire trips around a certain pool at a hotel. I am not technically known as a swimmer but this is part of who I want to be. So doing laps in the pool will be my weapon of choice against my sedentary life style.
A reflection begins to form in the mirror, emerging from the shadows of tough times. I think I recognize her but I am not quite certain.
Swimming laps around the old me,
Caroline
