Friendships seem to be the current theme in my life. A special lunch with old church friends a week ago, Thanksgiving dinner with some of our favorite military friends from the past and just yesterday, while most of America was swishing credit cards at the register, I got to see half of the fab five from college.

Months ago we got our act together and went on vacation. First time we had all been together for many years. (Novel idea for good friends to get away to a nice place and enjoy great food, wine and conversation for an entire weekend.) Why didn't one of us think of it sooner? Kids, jobs, distance, money...

So, still savoring a taste of the familiar jokes and one-liners only the five of us understand, a smaller group of us attempted to join up for a brief visit over the holiday weekend. Meeting at a popular mall on the busiest shopping day of the year had its obvious pitfalls but we were not to be deterred. We enjoyed some great food in a very busy restaurant, oblivious to the bustle and noise surrounding us.

There is nothing like spending time with old friends. Friends who walked you through the formative years of sleeping through classes, cramming for finals, drinking too much beer Uptown and regularly ordering pizza and subs after consuming a full meal only hours prior. Good thing we all had to walk miles and miles to classes back then or we might not be here today to tell about it.

Now that we remember how much we all like one another, I am hoping our reunions will be a regular thing.

I love those girls (and the two who were missing) more than they will ever know.

Thankfully,
Caroline

Yesterday, I spent time with old friends. As we sat around another's table for soup and conversation, I reflected on the ties that brought us all together. Many years ago, we moved to the Midwest after my husband's 10-year stint in the military. Knowing few people in our new city, we hungered to put down roots and make good friends. Both were achieved when we found a church.

Church means different things to different people. Sometimes it is a place to visit on special occasions. Often the church conjures negative thoughts, especially if one has been subject to shouted death threats from the pulpit from proverbial turn-or-burn sermons. Mostly, I believe the church is where people go to look for God, believing they will walk away with some sort of good feeling, motivation to live well or sense of awe. Sadly, many leave empty or frustrated.

In Old Testament times, God had specific dwelling places on Earth. Then, in an inexplicable act, He kind of unleashed Himself after the death of Christ and no longer restricts Himself to specific "holy places" but lives inside the souls of His people. No longer confined to a structure, experiencing the holy presence of God occurs in many many places. So what is the purpose of the church?

The church building contains the things His people need to do His work. Things like books, copiers, crayons, bread, learning tools and perhaps a baptistery. The true church consists of His people … people who agree that God is something worth pursuing both in understanding and in relationship. Although no one agreeing on every thought or belief, the common thread of the true church should be the pursuit of love. Getting our minds around God’s love for us so we can love other’s better.

Lunch with my friends consisted of much more than soup. The laughter heard that day shared a common thread supernaturally woven through the lives of each of the people gathered around the table … hearts, which hold a dwelling place of the Almighty.

Caroline

About a year and a half ago, I went to the greatest youth conference on the planet. A week with Francis Chan and Chris Tomlin ... it really doesn't get a whole lot better than that. Oh, hanging with the kids was pretty special too, but anyway, I was walking home from a rally with my buddy and we started talking about one of the personal challenges we give each other from time to time which is the question, “are you on the Truth Box about such and such?" I got an image in my head to promote this concept to the masses (via t-shirts) and off we went. Well, actually off I went for a while pursuing business leads, t-shirt companies, Tax ID numbers ... all the stuff you do to begin a small business.

Sometime between lunches with mentors and visits to the print shop, it occurred to me, people wouldn’t necessarily get the message of Richie on the Box by simply purchasing a t-shirt. Although not difficult or elaborate in concept, the Truth Box might need more explanation than just the tag. It was then that I got the idea to write a book elaborating on the concepts of the Truth Box, which embody the pursuit of: self-truth, personal growth and deeper relationships. Aha! I felt I found the divine direction of this prodding to put the Box “out there.”

Writing a book is probably something most people consider sometime in their life. I believe I have heard most friends and family say at one time or another, either the statement, “I could write a book about that” or “I am thinking of writing a book.” The latter phrase holds the more serious tenor but either implies some interest in expressing oneself through the written word. This new idea to write sends me to new mentors and different kinds of shops than my earlier exploration of Small Business 101.

I attend a fabulous writing conference. Right up there with the youth conference experience. I join writing groups and critique groups. Begin to build my library of books about writing books. Spend hours researching agents and competing books. Write and re-write the same sentence eight times till it makes sense and have banished the “be” verb. Being a novice, I think I am ready to be checked out by the pros so I send off a proposal to a couple of agents. Let me just say, email rejections hurt just as much as snail mail. But truthfully, the rejections were kind and actually gave me clarity on what to fix to make my book marketable.

Which brings me to today. Here is what I have to fix: the whole thing! Well, to be honest, I have 16,000 words down. I was envisioning a small book. I rationalized people like small books. People are very busy and don’t have time to read large books. Small books fit into purses and pockets and look nice on cute little shelves. Small books have it all going on. So this agent with tons of experience says he can’t sell a small book. Shoot for 45-55,000 words, he says. That means tripling my book’s word count.

I wrote a simple (but very clever) book on being truthful with self. I don’t think I can honestly expand my book to three times its current size and still feel good about the content. So … I say to myself, maybe you weren’t meant to write a book in the first place. You started with a concept. You want to promote said concept and who says a book is really necessary? Maybe I need to follow through with the original t-shirt online business idea? I honestly don’t know what to do. I am left to ponder this dilemma. Pray and Ponder.



Peace Out,
Caroline

p.s. Where is Emma?

Today is the day! The BIG 5-0. It would be disingenuous of me to pretend I have been dreading this milestone. For quite a while I have referred to myself as “almost 50” so to go and pretend to be sad over this would just be deceitful. Definitely not good Truth Box behavior. Speaking of which, I wonder why I have been borrowing years instead of subtracting them from my real age? Getting on the Box, I am forced to revisit that longing for recognition. Most people 50 and above automatically wear the mantle of mature and wise. Something in me desires the title of Sage and the respect from others. Now, I am pretty sure most people admire these qualities but there exists, deep inside of me a vacuum larger than most when it comes to this need.

My parent’s were supportive throughout my life but in their effort to want the best for me, they would identify ways to do things one-step better. If I finally got my house clean, they would focus on my weight. If I had success in my volunteer arena, they would suggest I should spend more time at home. I processed these exhortations as criticism, never feeling as if I could do enough to please or impress.

To be fair, this veiled disproval came mostly from my mother. She is gone now and unable to defend her actions. Pondering as I write this, I wish I had focused on her desire for me to succeed instead of dwelling on the feeling of failure. She did the classic thing when talking to her peers, referring to me as a shining star but in private conversation with me, I needed to shape up.

The take-away from this is one word … affirmation. I love it; crave it sometimes, so I need to lavish it upon others. I don’t want my kids to always misinterpret my encouragement to do better as criticism. There is a place for that but only if balanced by praise. Sometimes it would have been nice to feel the glow of admiration instead of heat to dance faster as I kept house and parented my four children.

I am sure they both meant well. I want to take well-meaning behavior a step further. I want the next 30 years, if I have 30 left, to live intentionally…to praise the good and dwell on the positive. My children aren’t my only legacy. I count friends in this category as well. If everyone close to me knew for sure how I truly felt about him or her, I would feel successful.

Of course, in the end, it is not me who needs to feel the success for I am here to please Him.

Hebrews 12:1 and Mathew 25:21

The Birthday Girl,
Caroline