I feel like I have been cheating a lot lately. Little nibbles here, little nibbles there. One day I ate a whole sliver (tiny, but still...) of pumpkin pie. That was pushing three barriers; gluten in the crust, dairy and cinnamon in the pie custard. Yikes, what was I thinking. I am getting bold and reckless and quite frankly a bit tired of it all.

But the question is; am I getting any better and the answer is YES! So why don't I appreciate the healing and hunker down harder to heal even more? Good question!

I think its typical of life. A little comfort creeps in and before I know it, I have fallen off the wagon. Well, thats an exaggeration but I have become lax. My focus was keener when I was most uncomfortable.

Things with sugar in them should taste sickening sweet by now. Haven't you heard people say, "after a while, you won't even want any sweets?" Well today I slid a box of peanut brittle into the purchase pile at Walgreens. My hubby was buying cold medicine and I was seeking a sugar fix. Prior to checkout, I did spend about 10 minutes reading candy bar wrappers looking for milk and such which is why I ended up munching on peanut brittle instead of a Milky Way Bar. Just about everything chocolate has dairy in it (duh!) unless you go super, black-hole-dark but I am not a lover of chocolate which resembles tar.

My cupboard should be bare of junk. I have gluten-free pretzels and some twig things that taste like tree bark with salt on them. I confess I eat Frito's on a regular basis to appease my salt and fat cravings. I thought I would be gnawing on turnips and munching kale at this point in time but instead I still want fries and onion rings.

So what are the real changes? I eat way less sugar than pre-elimination diet. I have a new appreciation/fear for dairy products. I buy all kinds of milk now. Almond, soy, rice and coconut. I can't see that changing. I like them. I read labels. I know what "the gums" are and why they are in lots of GF recipes. I think organic. Don't always buy organic but I consider it. I really do, for the most part, stay away from my forbidden dozen. Change is slow.

But like I said ... I can do better.

Thankful for some healing,

Caroline

Labels: chocolate, gluten-free, organic, soy milk, sugar

I need to shout a bit about today. I went to bed last night at 1:00 a.m. Could not fall asleep till after 2:00. Awoke at 3:30 and then again at 6:00 a.m., never really falling back to sleep after that and eventually arising around 7:00 a.m. Sounds like a rough start but really I had the most enjoyable day.

Our whole household has been sick with a 24 hour stomach bug so I decided to do something nice for my daughter and get her caught up on her laundry. This took all morning! I think she uses three towels every time she showers. Earlier, I had found a great gluten-free muffin recipe online so I enjoyed a cup of tea with a baked good that would have fooled most chefs!

Dr.'s appointment went well. She is always such an encourager, even after I confessed consuming gluten products on the day after my stomach purging. Chicken noodle soup, crackers and toast are just the go-to things one wants after being sick. Can't help it. And since I am not a true gluten intolerant, eating those few things did not make me feel any worse, thank goodness.

On to my favorite store, Half Price Books, where I sold $15 worth of unwanted dust collectors. I snagged a knitting book, a cookbook by a favorite author, a gluten/dairy/wheat free cookbook and a copy of my favorite book on the planet... "A Wrinkle In Time." Jackpot, baby!

ATM stop where I noticed I still had some money left in my work account even tho I lost my job 5 months ago. Grocery shopping at a newly remodeled Kroger's. Coffee to go from my favorite coffee shop, CP.

Home to cook scallops, baked potatoes and broccoli. Later in the evening we dropped by a friend's house to do some long overdue catching up.

Oh, and I am in the middle of a knitting project which requires a stitch, new to most of my knitting classmates. I practiced it on different needles and am happy to say I am almost the proud wearer of a new vest! My knitting teacher will be so proud. At least I hope so!

It's midnight now so I don't want to push my luck for any more good things to happen. I know I left out a few but I am happy to report, God is good. He is always good.

Smiling (and its been awhile),

Caroline

Labels: bookstores, gluten-free, knitting, muffins

Tonight's Dinner: Butternut Squash Soup with Red Lentils and Gluten-Free Cornbread



I started to keep a calendar with all my foods listed. The purpose is two-fold. One, I keep track to make sure I do not eat the same foods for days in a row. Two, I began noting my good and bad days. Thankfully, the good days are out numbering the not-so-good ones. I rate them on a three tiered scale: good, medium and bad. Original, no? Let me say upfront that I feel a bit guilty rating my days. "Good" is all in perspective, isn't it?

Today I read a blog (Long Miles Coffee Project) about a family who moved to Africa in order to help the locals sell their coffee more efficiently. They moved thousands of miles away from friends and family to aid a community of folks in Burundi, who they don't really know.The language of their story is poignant and brilliant. I want eyes to see the world like they see it. I want to write the way they share their story. Baring my soul to draw in others yet preserving some of myself so that I don't disappear among the words.

Maybe I am talking about a search for significance? Or is it more about contribution? I am not asking for Steve Jobs importance, may he rest in peace. Or to move continents to aid others. Entirely different offerings to the "big picture", yet both impacting the world we live in.

This eating/health journey of mine is miles from extraordinary but it is important to me. Therein lies a balance question; how do I live life paying attention to self-worth, using my gifts and talents, and the proper focus on a healthy me, YET keep a reasonable perspective of where I fall in the bigger picture? I know people whose scope is so small they don't even know people grow coffee in Africa.

I want bigger eyes to see life. A larger heart would be nice too. Oh, and since I am asking, a healthier colon would be lovely!

Wondering at the world,

Caroline

Labels: eyes, health, Long Miles Coffee Project, Steve Jobs