O.K., I will attempt to be humble here, but I am really really good at eating a 3-way without sauce spots landing on my shirt. I have been consuming this delicacy for over 15 years now and I can walk out of the restaurant without mishap, 95 times out of 100. Today was one of those days where, obviously, something in my being was amiss. It is cause for me to pause and examine how things are going in my life.

My husband reminds me that life is good right now. He is right. I need to learn to focus on the positive and try and forget the small insignificant stuff. I think someone wrote a book about that concept. I just have to face the fact that I am in a transitional stage of my life right now. And with change, often comes unsettled feelings. I guess you could label it insecurities. I have been discovering that I am not as secure as I thought I was.

Recently, I did some Personal Development evaluations and realized that these insecurities are way more prevalent in my life than I thought they were. Now I just have to figure out how to battle them in my mind when they begin to rear their ugly heads. I know where my self-esteem is supposed to be rooted but I often do not live my life with that truth in mind. I am speaking of course about my relationship with Jesus Christ. No other opinion really matters. I would not want to blow through life not caring about others but really I need to care most about Jesus and what He thinks of my daily adventures and relationships.

Maybe I need to wear that reminder on my chest instead of a 3-way.


Caroline

When it comes to the subject of friendships, I am feeling like I am twelve years old again. Well, maybe Junior High would be a more accurate picture. You know that sinking feeling when you know your best friend is upset with you but you are not quite sure what to do about it? That is the emotion I am battling at the present. A while back I was writing about a dying friendship and now I am waxing about a friendship going through changes. I know that this one is not ready for the morgue but it feels scary when things are not smooth and happy.

These friendship trials are actually telling me something about myself. I am way more insecure than I thought I was. Either that or I have a major codependency going on with some of my girlfriends. I'd prefer the former analysis. I guess I have to get on the Box ... you know, that thing I wrote a book about. If I stand on the box I know that I haven't really done anything wrong but maybe I could stand to be more sensitive to the emotional needs of my friends. I learned a long time ago that people are eventually going to disappoint you based on the fact that no one is perfect. That unfortunately includes myself.

So all this rambling to say ... worry less about the little things, try to serve your friends in a selfless way, own what you need to own and give one another grace.

Caroline

My brother in law is a Harley rider. He goes on long weekend rides with his riding buddies and leaves my sister at home by the pool with a good book (which is fine with her, by the way.) He incorporates his faith with his riding, as he is involved with a ministry called Biker Chaplains, or something very close to that. They have a website and he goes to training for his title of chaplaincy and life is good for him as he rides into the sunset on beautiful Dallas evenings.

I am expressing my own "need for speed" and apparently several other things by purchasing a scooter. It is something I have always wanted. I believe my fascination with them first began sometime during my initial trip to Europe. You cannot ride them on the Autobahn but they are seen just about everywhere else over there. My girlfriend, Joy, has a very cool green one and she and I are about to take our friendship to a new level. We will become scooter buddies.

The other night I spent an unbelievable amount of time searching the web for biker paraphernalia. Several hours and hundreds of dollars later, I am now the owner of brand new Harley boots, a cool riding jacket, gloves and a lemon yellow helmet. It will be almost like Christmastime, waiting for the UPS truck in the next week or two.

My husband says this is all part of the grieving process. I suspect he is just being nice so that he can ride the scooter too. Tomorrow, Lord willing, I take the test to get my temps. Let's see ... when riding into a curve, the four steps for better control are: slow, look, press and roll. Look out world, here I come!


Caroline

Security in this life is such an illusion...the only security I have comes from knowing I'm in God's hands at all times. My problem is believing this when life looks so uncertain. More than anything, I want to have peace in knowing that no matter how things appear, God is with me. He's in control, He's my security, He's my hope.
As of today, I'm hanging on with all my might to God and His plans for me: The sale of our home; Where the kids and I will live when the house sells; What my new career will be; How I'll make enough income to live simply; When my divorce will be final.
I know there's no better place for me than in God's hand and I'm so thankful I have a chance to have a new and better life - the best life that He has for me!

Grabbing onto courage,
Emma

Friendships come and go but when one seems to die on the vine, it is particularly sad and disappointing. I know the rules about reconciling and difficult confrontations but sometimes the rules don't seem to apply. My relationship with a friend that has lasted over a decade has run amuck. For whatever reason, she is upset with me and refuses to tell me why. LIke I said, I know the rules and I, in most cases, would go to her and say "what's up" but this situation is different. I believe the onnus is on her. She seems unwilling to let me know what is bothering her and based on past experience, I believe she is full of anger and untrue accusations that will spew out at me if I am the one to approach her. I am feeling that I need to wait until she is ready for the conversation rather than prematurely opening the wound.

I have asked myself what if she never wants to clear the air and get back on track? I honestly do not know the answer. In many ways, this friendship has been fraught with difficulties. That doesn't mean it is unworthy of saving, it just means that maybe this is the natural break that should have come about a while ago. I have always prided myself on my ability to be a good friend. As an only child, I worked hard at my friendships because at the end of the day, I went home to a quiet house with only parents to fill the loneliness. My friends all had siblings and they could afford lots of fights and misunderstandings because living together in a family meant you would eventually work them out. At least when you were a child, that is what it meant.

In the days to come, I will be watchful to see if there is a crack in the icy front that presents itself to me when I am around my friend. In public settings she smiles and appears polite but when you know a person well, you know when there is tension or an unsettledness between the two of you. My responsibility is to remain open to what God would have me do in this situation. I don't want to be closed to His will even if it might involve pain and more tears.

Caroline