Today I spent several hours with one of my favorite people on the earth. She is one of the coolest people I know and I delude myself into thinking that just by being friends with her, it makes me cool as well.

We went scooter shopping. I have long time wished for a scooter and today she challenged me with putting my money where my mouth is. It was fun and scarry at the same time. It is hard to really imagine myself on one of these things but I am going to do it!

She gave me great advice and now I will proceed with the steps to become a licensed driver. It is not a harley like my brother-in-law but, hey, you have to start somewhere.

I haven't decided on the make but maybe I will continue my research before I make that decision. The really important thing is what color will it be available in. I need to find one in my color palate so that my clothes won't clash.

Pretty soon, "I'm a dot" will have a whole new meaning!

Peace out,
Caroline

For the last 6 months, I have shed tears, almost daily, for the loss of my Mom. In the last two days my tears have come from a different place in my heart. I believe it is a fact of life that we are all afraid of change. Even when God admonishes us otherwise, we tend to go into a place of anxiousness whenever there is change afoot.

Last night I was dining with my husband having a fabulous time when inexplicably I found myself weeping. It happened again several hours later as I lay in bed. Even now, the tears are pushing up and ready to spill as I type this entry. When you are comfortable in the role you play in a particular relationship and that relationship goes through a major change, you know that your role must change as well.

These are the things I am certain about: I love my friend. I want the very best for her. I want her daily heartache to go away. I want her life to be filled with abundant bliss to make up for the tragedy she has experienced thus far. I want to be her friend in the good times as I have already been one in the bad times. My friend will not need me in the same way as she has done in the past.

She has said many times that I have saved her life. She has done the same for me. This significant thing, this incredible investment will no longer be the defining characteristic of the relationship. I am not naive to think that with new found happiness comes perfect peace and the complete loss of the need of succor but what if that was the sustaining piece of the friendship?

When it comes to figuring out my new role with my friend, I guess I will just have to take it one day at a time.

Caroline

2007 has arrived. A new year with no clear picture of how it's going to be. The beginning of the year will be taken up by legal issues with my divorce pending. Ugh! I can't believe I just wrote that; I never thought I would use the word "divorce" when talking about my life...I have so many questions when thinking about what this year will hold. What am I going to be doing? Where am I going to be living? How am I going to be able to get all the things done that need to be done? Where will I find the strength?
Staying in the moment and trusting God for better days in 2007 are what I'm determined to do for myself and my kids. I'm so scared, yet looking forward to what God will show me this month and all the following months this year.
I'm holding on.
Emma

It is New Year's Day and I have successfully made it through a major holiday season without Mom. It was hard and I cried more than I thought I would. In the end, it feels good to have it over with. I noticed that I just kind of floated through the day on Christmas. When I tried to recall certain gifts from certain people, I just couldn't pull the answers from my brain. I guess it was a coping mechanism. I was half hearted in a lot of areas. I am lucky I got the things done that I did.

Last night was a great New Year's Eve. Hubby, Emma and I went to Emma's sister's house for good bourbon and good conversation. Believe me, the bourbon was absolutely necessary. I used it in college when I had killer cramps and I use it occasionally when I am drinking socially. "Using it" is actually the honest term. Although I was not over indulging, I would have not got behind the wheel of a car. There is just something about that drink. It makes me feel at home.

Today we took down the tree and I feel that it was a bit rushed. It seemed as if the goal was just to get through one more aspect of the holiday season. Usually, I like to linger with the tree. As long as it is healthy and keeping it's needles, I have been known to keep the tree up well into January. Not this year. There was an absence of lingering in all realms of the season. Just get through it seemed to be the motto.

I am feeling good as I look to the new year. I have a new piece of exercise equipment that I will begin to use tomorrow ... no, really ... tomorrow! I am thinking that this is going to be a good year in many many respects.

I will close with a New Year's resolution. Besides the 50 by 50, I resolve to read more books, be more sensitive to the needs of others and get to know God in new ways.

Peace out!
C Drew