Many days I am feeling depressed. I experience a burst of activity and then two hours later, I crash and burn, ending up on my bed under the down comforter even when the temperature is 90 degrees outside. My friends are encouraging me to call my doctor. It's on my to-do list but something keeps me from dialing the number.

I spent time with a friend today who I don't see very often. Something connected between the two of us the first few times together and she truly feels like a soul mate. She can see things in me that others don't or at least don't bother to call out. Today after much catching up on family and work, she looked at me and said something to the effect of, “Now are you really going to tell me what is going on in your life?” There is no sneaking anything by this girl. She used the adjective “distant” to describe what she was sensing in me. When questioned, she knew it was not a distance between the two of us, just a vacancy of some sort going on within my soul.

I discussed the possibility of depression and she reminded me it had only been a year since losing my mom. She suggested that this is the first year I will truly experience her absence owing to the fact, last year was spent in a daze. Perhaps I have now come out of the stupor of the true first year and now will live life in the reality of her death. There is some wisdom in her words.

Somehow I felt a little lighter considering this possibility. I am thinking I will postpone that phone call another week and see if I can’t see the sadness of Mom’s passing in my low moments. Perhaps I will end up with a little help from a little medicine but for now, I will continue to sort it out on my own.

Thanks Girlfriend!

Caroline

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 17, 2007 at 3:13 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.