One Year Aniversary
Today is the day. One year ago today I lost one of the most significant people in my life, my Mom. She came to stay with us to get stronger and instead, she progresively got weaker. 9 weeks after her arrival to our home, she died. Who would have guessed the Dr., after looking at an image of her heart would say, I've never seen one with numbers so low (indicating extreme weakness.) He then pronounced her terminal which turned out to be magic words in the eyes of the Hospice community.They stepped in to fill the gap of bathing, some other necessities and a regular break for me.
Last night as I drifted to sleep, I relived that last morning with my Mom. I arose at 7:00 to find her in the exact same position as I had left her after midnight, the night before. Not a good sign. She looked at me with wide eyes as if to say, pay attention, the time is near. Her guppie breaths told me I best not leave her side so I moved the chair from one side of the hospital bed to the other so I could stay close to her and memorize her last expressions. As I look back, something was screaming at me, don't leave the room ... she is dying before your eyes ... but at the same time, had I been asked to note her last day on earth, I am not sure I would have said this day. In other words, there was a disconnect.
I held her hand. I told her what we would do with some of the money she was leaving us. This, of course, had always been important to her ... our plans for our home. It was one of her favorite topics of conversation. She wanted us to do a new walkway so I told her we would do this and a few other things like use the money to pay for college for our remaining three children. I am hoping that pronouncement made her happy.
After my money speech, I prayed and then sang a song Chris Tomlin sings, Your Grace is Enough. Sometime during that last interlude, she slipped away to eternity. Now face to face with the Creator, she was no longer my critic, counselor or my closest friend.
I miss her daily. I recall her wisdom hourly. I rejoice for her with every breath.
Your Grace is Enough. Your Grace is Enough. Your Grace is Enough for Me!
Caroline
Last night as I drifted to sleep, I relived that last morning with my Mom. I arose at 7:00 to find her in the exact same position as I had left her after midnight, the night before. Not a good sign. She looked at me with wide eyes as if to say, pay attention, the time is near. Her guppie breaths told me I best not leave her side so I moved the chair from one side of the hospital bed to the other so I could stay close to her and memorize her last expressions. As I look back, something was screaming at me, don't leave the room ... she is dying before your eyes ... but at the same time, had I been asked to note her last day on earth, I am not sure I would have said this day. In other words, there was a disconnect.
I held her hand. I told her what we would do with some of the money she was leaving us. This, of course, had always been important to her ... our plans for our home. It was one of her favorite topics of conversation. She wanted us to do a new walkway so I told her we would do this and a few other things like use the money to pay for college for our remaining three children. I am hoping that pronouncement made her happy.
After my money speech, I prayed and then sang a song Chris Tomlin sings, Your Grace is Enough. Sometime during that last interlude, she slipped away to eternity. Now face to face with the Creator, she was no longer my critic, counselor or my closest friend.
I miss her daily. I recall her wisdom hourly. I rejoice for her with every breath.
Your Grace is Enough. Your Grace is Enough. Your Grace is Enough for Me!
Caroline
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on Saturday, July 14, 2007 at 4:04 PM.
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