I thought I understood some of the basic rules of friendship. Some of them sound good on paper but when fleshed out, prove impossible to employ. Here is one we all tend to embrace, “It is better to give than to receive.” Giving is good. But what if the giving has left you emotionally bankrupt with the promise of a return, foreclosed on?

When do love, support and sacrifice flip to the dark side and translate into feeling used? Is it disingenuous to want reciprocation reflecting your own desires?

In my life, constant tension exists between strong relationships and co-dependency. Just when I think my boundaries are strong and healthy, I experience a break in the fence. I then find myself wandering around in a pasture not intended for me and unable to identify the insulating knobs of the electric fence before getting zapped.

My gut response to the pain involves moving somewhere cloistered. If you don’t engage then you won’t get hurt, right? I am not Catholic, though.

But I know that life was meant for relationships. It’s just that the angst involved in maintaining them sometimes dissuades me from the continuation of good ones.

The voice in my head chides pull back you silly girl. What were you thinking getting so close to others? I don’t think I like the question or the alternative.

Caroline

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 02, 2007 at 10:33 AM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.