someone hates me ... well, several actually
Last night I ran into a girl who hates me. I saw her out of the corner of my eye at the high school play and later stole a few glances. As predicted from past experience, she was no where to be seen when the lights came on. She wouldn't want the risk of actually having to make contact should our exit paths funnel us anywhere near one another.
Seven years ago I made the wrong person mad at me. She (I'll call her Carla) was a charismatic leader in the schools (yes we are talking PTA moms here) who raised a small army against me, the girl at the play being one of her loyal foot soldiers. It feels really crappy to have people intensely dislike you. I can deal with a mild aversion or two. I am not arrogant enough to think everyone thinks I hung the moon but most of the people in that lynch mob wanted to see me beaten down, publicly humiliated and impeached from my PTA job.
At the time of the turmoil, I went to the girl at the play and tried to explain my side of the story. At first she seemed willing to listen given that we went to the same church. I told her how important it was to have reconciliation between the two of us. In the end, her desire for friendship and affirmation from Carla won out. By the way, I tried to reconcile with Carla as well but that didn't go so well either.
For years I looked for her in the halls of church, hoping for a change of heart and a second chance. I periodically checked her mailbox to make sure her family still attended but she eventually left. She never came to a single social event which would undoubtedly have caused her to run into me. I spend a lot of time at church. Not because I am trying to win points with God, I work there so I attend most extra events. It all made me feel sick inside.
In fact it makes me feel sick to write about it, dredging up those painful memories and causing me to wonder about all the things I should have done differently. I hate the fact that she smugly thinks she knows a dark evil side of me that others don't know. I hate that she never gave me the benefit of the doubt and chose to side with a very disturbing individual. I have been called many things but never disturbing.
The only thing I can do is try harder the next time. I certainly didn't do everything right back then but I wasn't the villain they portrayed me to be. So for now I live in a community where a very few people still turn and whisper when I walk by. Its only a few but for me, its a few too many.
love me,
Caroline
Seven years ago I made the wrong person mad at me. She (I'll call her Carla) was a charismatic leader in the schools (yes we are talking PTA moms here) who raised a small army against me, the girl at the play being one of her loyal foot soldiers. It feels really crappy to have people intensely dislike you. I can deal with a mild aversion or two. I am not arrogant enough to think everyone thinks I hung the moon but most of the people in that lynch mob wanted to see me beaten down, publicly humiliated and impeached from my PTA job.
At the time of the turmoil, I went to the girl at the play and tried to explain my side of the story. At first she seemed willing to listen given that we went to the same church. I told her how important it was to have reconciliation between the two of us. In the end, her desire for friendship and affirmation from Carla won out. By the way, I tried to reconcile with Carla as well but that didn't go so well either.
For years I looked for her in the halls of church, hoping for a change of heart and a second chance. I periodically checked her mailbox to make sure her family still attended but she eventually left. She never came to a single social event which would undoubtedly have caused her to run into me. I spend a lot of time at church. Not because I am trying to win points with God, I work there so I attend most extra events. It all made me feel sick inside.
In fact it makes me feel sick to write about it, dredging up those painful memories and causing me to wonder about all the things I should have done differently. I hate the fact that she smugly thinks she knows a dark evil side of me that others don't know. I hate that she never gave me the benefit of the doubt and chose to side with a very disturbing individual. I have been called many things but never disturbing.
The only thing I can do is try harder the next time. I certainly didn't do everything right back then but I wasn't the villain they portrayed me to be. So for now I live in a community where a very few people still turn and whisper when I walk by. Its only a few but for me, its a few too many.
love me,
Caroline
This entry was posted
on Friday, February 27, 2009 at 4:22 AM.
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1 Comments:
It would bug me, too, if someone disliked me that intensely. But what can you do? You've already tried to reconcile; you can't grovel---that's demeaning. Maybe this is when we're supposed to brush the dust from our sandals and move on, yes? Oh well, maybe just keep in mind that I like you a lot, and I have a good nose for good people.
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