Difficult Days
I feel weighed down with sadness. Sometimes I catch myself thinking "life is good right now" or "things are feeling good". I only camp there momentarily because I know the winds will change direction soon. Life is full of chaos and disappointment. I feel like I have written this all before. Probably because I have.
I had a good week last week until I hit Friday morning. An event I was in charge of started to experience some minor complications and I began to stress. Said stress spilled into Saturday morning, the day of the event, and grew in intensity because of the careless words of a participant.
I had a problem right before the event when a woman approached me and accused me of being rude to her husband. I was totally thrown for a loop. I could not believe she was serious nor could I believe she was actually so burdened by her thoughts that she seemed unable to control her urge to "let me have it" the moment she saw me. And to do it minutes before an event I was in charge of and was slated to speak at. It was very disconcerting. Fortunately I found a friend and she prayed with me privately to put the ordeal behind me. After a bit of a struggle I was able to compartmentalize and move on. I kind of convinced myself that her accusation was more in jest than of the serious nature I originally received it.
Until she again approached me on Sunday morning to apologize and explain her comments. This again was disturbing in that this confirmed that she did indeed have an axe to grind with me and the comments the day before were not said in jest. But hey ... at least she was apologizing. So I waited for a call as she had promised and received an email later in the day instead. Again, an apology ... good. But the ending implied only sorrow for the timing of her comments not that she felt they might be out of line or possibly based on some misconceptions of an event relayed to her by her spouse. There were no clarifying questions being asked. No effort to understand what might have really taken place. Just an ending comment implying that she would have to accept the slight to her husband and move on.
Oh how I wish there could have been the benefit of the doubt given. How often do we hear of something and let our emotions cloud the reality of what really happened. Why do we often choose to think badly of someone instead of catching ourselves, reminding ourselves of what we know of that person and then comparing the two "realities" and concluding I know so-and-so is not really like that so it is likely the whole event did not happen as it was related to me?
My other frustration lies with the life and times of my teenage daughter.
I received a scathing letter telling me how much she hates me and my inability to parent well has all but ruined her life. Normally we parents nod and wink at these accusations but this time around its a bit more serious in nature.
I am trying to sort this all out. Broken friendships. Broken trust with a daughter.
Broken hearted,
Caroline
I had a good week last week until I hit Friday morning. An event I was in charge of started to experience some minor complications and I began to stress. Said stress spilled into Saturday morning, the day of the event, and grew in intensity because of the careless words of a participant.
I had a problem right before the event when a woman approached me and accused me of being rude to her husband. I was totally thrown for a loop. I could not believe she was serious nor could I believe she was actually so burdened by her thoughts that she seemed unable to control her urge to "let me have it" the moment she saw me. And to do it minutes before an event I was in charge of and was slated to speak at. It was very disconcerting. Fortunately I found a friend and she prayed with me privately to put the ordeal behind me. After a bit of a struggle I was able to compartmentalize and move on. I kind of convinced myself that her accusation was more in jest than of the serious nature I originally received it.
Until she again approached me on Sunday morning to apologize and explain her comments. This again was disturbing in that this confirmed that she did indeed have an axe to grind with me and the comments the day before were not said in jest. But hey ... at least she was apologizing. So I waited for a call as she had promised and received an email later in the day instead. Again, an apology ... good. But the ending implied only sorrow for the timing of her comments not that she felt they might be out of line or possibly based on some misconceptions of an event relayed to her by her spouse. There were no clarifying questions being asked. No effort to understand what might have really taken place. Just an ending comment implying that she would have to accept the slight to her husband and move on.
Oh how I wish there could have been the benefit of the doubt given. How often do we hear of something and let our emotions cloud the reality of what really happened. Why do we often choose to think badly of someone instead of catching ourselves, reminding ourselves of what we know of that person and then comparing the two "realities" and concluding I know so-and-so is not really like that so it is likely the whole event did not happen as it was related to me?
My other frustration lies with the life and times of my teenage daughter.
I received a scathing letter telling me how much she hates me and my inability to parent well has all but ruined her life. Normally we parents nod and wink at these accusations but this time around its a bit more serious in nature.
I am trying to sort this all out. Broken friendships. Broken trust with a daughter.
Broken hearted,
Caroline
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, April 01, 2009 at 3:30 AM.
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3 Comments:
But not broken scootered. Come ride with us on Saturday...it's fun, and you can't think of all this shit while you're riding like a crazy person. Get out of your own life for a few hours, sister!
Hi Caroline ~ If it gives you some hope, both my daughters hated me and hurt me deeply in their teenage years. But somehow we became friends in their 20s. I'm so glad those years are past, but please know that I identify with how you're feeling.
First, A good parent is rarely a child's best friend. In fact, those roles are counter to each other. Too many parents are afraid of doing the right thing because they don't want to offend their child.
Do the right thing, raise them and guide them to the best of your ability.
Second, immature people like to blame others for their shortfalls. We all are responsible for our own actions, and mature people recognize that.
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